Sitting here at a coffee shop again with not much inspiration. We just got back from California and although it was 100 degrees during the day, the cool mornings and evenings were heavenly. As we took our family walks, and experienced new places, I found a little inspiration. I really need a change of scenery sometimes to get my head and heart motivated to write.
I guess I am still in vacation mode because being back to hot, humid, busy, city life, I can't seem to get any inspiration today. However, I have had a blog in mind for a few weeks now but haven't had the words to put on "paper" yet. I now have some time to gather my thoughts yet again, a habit my husband is trying to encourage in me. He allows me some "me" time once a week so I can at least have an opportunity to write. Perhaps something good will come from it in the future whether it be a blog, a song, a poem, a letter to God, whatever comes. As a mother now, this is vital to my life. As a worshipper, and as a creative person, I have to have an opportunity to let it out. Whatever IT is in my heart.
So, we plan on this every week but here I sit with not much to write! Things just don't always go as planned. Ya know? However, here goes...
I remember when I first got pregnant, Andrew and I got the Supernatural Birth book and talked to all of our friends about water births and chiropractic care and pretty much everything you need to know about having a natural labor and delivery. As someone who wishes I had the guts to be a full on hippie (I have to shave and still highlight my hair), I was all about the natural ways as much as I could do.
However, I felt empowered and encouraged! It was good information for those desiring to attempt it. Once we hit the third trimester, I realized that Liam was breached and we weren't too concerned because my midwife said it was very common for the baby to turn. She did encourage me to do certain exercises to help him move so I did those things along with chiropractic adjustments as well. We did everything we knew to do. I even heard from someone, "Even if he doesn't turn, you can try to deliver him breached. I know women who have done it."
Yeesh! I heard sooooo much advice. In times like that, you can only rely on what the Holy Spirit is telling you. Once we got into week 38, chances weren't looking too good for him to turn. Now, I know the Lord could have turned him for sure if He wanted to. I mean we are pretty familiar with the power of God. Yet, This is what the Lord told me and I know He told me: "Liam is not going to turn. You need to schedule a C-section." This was in the midst of EVERYONE praying for him to turn and even people having visions of him turning. Don't get me wrong, I am a huge advocate of the prophetic word and I myself walk in the prophetic. Yet, in times where there are many voices, you have to learn how to silence the voices and listen to only One and that is the Holy Spirit. This is why it is important learning how to hear the voice of the Lord for YOURSELF.
Community is great and the Body is necessary, but you have to learn how to walk with the Lord all on your own. Listening to His voice over the voice of leaders, prophetic words, and friends is VERY important. We as the Body need to encourage people to hear the voice of the Lord for themselves. If we aren't doing that, then we are not an empowering Church.
Andrew, my amazing husband, felt like the Lord told him, "Liam is not going to turn because he represents an immovable generation of children I am raising up." They will not be moved by the tide of the world, but by the voice of the Lord. Wow. Yes we were both in agreement with this word and knew it was for our family. So, with that in mind, we scheduled it. Indeed, we heard a few comments from concerned friends and family whom we absolutely love but knew what the Lord told us. Once we knew it was the Lord we were immovable with our decision.
Now, during this season, Andrew ended up having to go to the ER and from there was admitted into the hospital a week before the scheduled C-section and in the same hospital for that matter! That is a whole other blog post, but for now we will just keep it to the C-section. After a week of my husband being in the hospital, they let him go home to get prepared for the birth of our son. We gave ourselves a weekend and scheduled the birth for a Monday, April 7th, 2014. This day was an amazing day. It wasn't what I had originally planned but it was BETTER.
We not only had my midwife there, but the OB, and another midwife in the same office was there to support us. They had such a heart for us and knew our story. Andrew was diagnosed by a lot of different doctors a week before as having two huge lesions in his brain and they didn't know what it was yet. Once my doctors and midwives heard about this, they were all so full of love and compassion that they all wanted to support us so they all came. I felt so loved that day. In addition, we had many of our friends and family who were there at the hospital ready to welcome us after the surgery was over.
Was it scary? Absolutely. I had a little meltdown right before as we were listening to worship music. A song Melissa Helser was singing just broke me. I felt so alone in that moment, but yet the Lord brought me back with His Presence. In times like that, the only One you really need is Jesus. I needed my husband by my side and the anesthesiologist was there as well talking me through the whole process, but I needed Jesus. They put a huge needle in my spine and numbed everything from the waist down and then I laid down on that surgical table with all those bright lights and got ready to have my life changed. In 6 minutes my son made his grand arrival. Craziest thing in the world and most incredible. It was still a miracle.
My blood pressure dropped pretty low at one point and all I kept hearing the anesthesiologist say was, "Okay, your blood pressure is dropping, so we are bringing it back up. You are going to feel better in just a minute." I literally felt like I was going to die, but I didn't. I was beyond grateful that God let me experience that moment. It taught me something in God. It taught me all the more to rely on His voice to guide me. When all the other voices fade away and when your husband can't even be in the surgical room for a few minutes and all you have is the Presence of Jesus in your most vulnerable state, you draw closer.
You have no other choice but to draw near to God. So... thankful? Yes I am. After 6 minutes at 12:01 p.m. in the afternoon, my son was born. It was one of the greatest days of our lives and I don't regret one moment. I didn't grieve that I didn't have a natural birth, but I rejoiced that I had a healthy boy and he was perfect. We became so much closer to the Lord on that journey. So yes, things don't always go as planned but God makes things better than your plans. God makes things better than what all the voices tell you that you should do. Why? Because His voice matters most. It's all about YOUR journey in God. YOUR history, not someone else's.